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I’m starting fresh. I just deleted so much Spam. I’m choosing not to be annoyed but rather marvel at their creative ways they get through.
Today I went and played in the setting sun. A strange lingering cough I’ve had for end of June and most of July is finally subsiding. I have turned it around by taking a mix of Elderberry Tincture and Echinacea. Something I remembered my friend Anthony had recommended.
I had a very good day with realizing a few things, well more than a few. I’ve been warming up again to social media. As it is another platform. It could easily become noise ridden. And senseless. It feels like a lot of things are firing at me all the time and I can’t breathe. But I’m learning to remember it’s good points. This seems more peaceful to me writing here.
I have to quiet the mind often after playing or go for a walk. This is whether I am street playing or being hired for a show.
Billy Remembers A Moment.
Today I met this man named Billy. He said he saw me seven years ago playing on Queen St. “Are you sure it was me or another version of me?” I joked.
“You were playing a song that put me peaceful transcendental state.” Billy said. I laughed simply saying “It was probably me, did I sound like this?” (I strum a chord) And I played a mantra on guitar
I often think now that it’s been thousands and thousands of times I’ve performed. How amazing this thing called music is. Here is a man from seven or more years ago explaining what he experienced. That’s one cellular lifetime ago! And it was the state of peace and transcendental-ness.
What’s changed since then.
Many songs have been written.
Yet I’m still driven by
Peace and transcendental-ness.
When IS a Song Real?
Where shall I put them? What is recording something nicely? How does one organize ones creativity in a sea of suggestions? Day to day pulls and pushes.
And so the key is self care, self love. This has expanded my calmness. Making space for the answer buried in the natural state.
And sometimes it’s so
For me a song seems real when I share it and another human gets a deep message from it.
He or she or they nod at me
The stare of a knowers eye.
Song Name Drop
“Knowers” Vibrationoftheone Circa 2016
Billy Number 2 De ja Vu
The second occurrence was meeting another Billy. I was playing Imagine on the guitar and this man came up to me and showed me his ring. When I looked closer it had the word imagine inscribed on it.
I let out a big smile. Imagination makes the world go round. I love living there and pulling creation out of it.
Billy said to me. “You know I don’t think you know how much of a difference you make to the environment when you play here”. I really appreciated that.
I think to the morning where I think what if I never did this. Or what if I never went out there again and shared. I never take it for granted how many people tell me the most amazing things.
This is always the balanced with the suggestions
Why aren’t you doing this, did you know about this, you should do this.
For the suggestions
I do file them away my organic
It is seated in matrices mysteries.
A time honoured response
For the you that is lost
The Open Weirdness That is
I was laughing today how I’m out there sharing but then am really comfortable in a small group of people mostly 1 or 2 or 3.
But I get invited to a lot of events sometimes
Often times I say no politely and go home
Or go somewhere to find a sunset and recharge.
I meet all sorts.
Navigation of needs.
A man handed me this flyer that said master your sexual energy or something along those lines. I found it interesting that there is something like this.
But not so interesting that I’m going to sign up and go there.
All my sexual energy mostly goes into my creations. Transmuting all of that. Not hanging it all on a person. Still I think that’s something that people are definitely uncomfortable with. Just even talking about sexual energy. There’s triggers and hangups and stories galore.
Chilling out on the complex
In another sense in conscious mind 2
What if a beautiful woman handed me this flyer?
And not a bear of a man.
It made me realize.
The bears like me.
I should just accept that.
They liked me at burning man.
They followed me in my youth because they enjoyed my stories.
And all of them were always trying to get me drunk.
Conscious mind 1 beware the bear man
That’s the lesson
The solution being that now I annoy everyone by not really drinking anymore.
They’d have to sway you with their stark personality
Courage without liquid
It’s all an H20
Later that Evening Man Searches For Advice and Reflection.
On the other hand when another person starting talking to me about relationships. (Something that gets put to me often?).
“I listen to a lot of stories of abuse. And it just makes me really sad. I’m really empathic, intuitive and insightful naturally. It’s seems on the daily there is someone confiding in me and asking me not to tell anyone. Their deep pain. And so I’ve started to wonder is my role in a relationship always looked upon as the fixer or the healer?
Though I do understand the need for people to clear the air and take the first step which is a trusted reflection with another, as safe space free of judgement forms.
Balancing this with time for me
The big realization is
And so most of the time I’m focusing on outputting joy or inspiration.
Focus makes you
On the daily.
Pain is a process.
Transmutable through music and sound.
I feel often that joy is typecasted
As over the top, unreal, unattainable
And not adult.
And it’s there that I know some have lost
I,They or Me can not reach it anymore
The permission has been superseded
By heavy stats of life
So I let a lot of people go
They recreate their misery
Spread those other kinds of stories
They search for ears of acknowledgement
Unaware to the cringing of their audience
That moment the reflection dissolves
Ready not to return
I forget there is a person in front of me
And they don’t dig the past
The unfamiliar now
One walks away
With the bigger love
Offered in mirrors
So the sand breaks
“Often my default mode is to take the role of the healer and am currently still trying to balance when I can just be a person.”
Rather than a sounding board, Or that person that makes you feel better about yourself
Because perhaps you forgot you were already
A great human being.
And as my comfort with social media is still sometimes a struggle.
I still don’t know how to always navigate the plains of weird.
Being weird myself.
Are so direct
Directed by what state of sharing
The Illusion of The Extroverted Introvert
Sometimes I feel like I know people well and then realize no I don’t know them well. And in some cases people that are reaching out to me like mad. And is that love in some form? I’m doing my best to see which place is a balanced place. Can we really solve this feeling of many people pulling at you? Getting in there and trying to understand that knowing people doesn’t mean that the art gets tucked away again.
Looking at it in the most funny perception.
I was eating at a restaurant. And a girl pointed at me through the window and started “Air Drumming.” Of course I had to lighten up and laugh. And then this continued with other people knocking window saying hey or smiling through the glass.
Then you get a funny sense of people around you. Are we supposed to know this guy? Whatever this is on the daily. I can only be happy that generally people are happily reflecting. I can never really get used to it. It always creeps up on you.
Sometimes I wear disguises.
Or I have to go to another part of town deep in hats.
The funniest thing I realized here is. I like this restaurants window for the view. But the food I was eating I felt was just filler and I wasn’t really enjoying the food.
Occurrence 2. Fireflies.
There’s a song I wrote in 2004. It was called Fire Flies. Even I can’t explain how I just wrote this thinking of a wonderful green energy of this tiny winged creature in my hand. It was the most magical experience I’ve had. Calling one into my hand and letting it crawl on my face.
I couldn’t put into words the lightness and the sheer awe I was in.
So I wrote a song about that. And every time I play it I transport people to that light feeling.
Most times I empathically feel someones great looming sadness or woe and so
I decided to play one of my classics
Directed to lift some pain floating on the street.
There is a lot of pain on the street level.
A woman came by and walked closer to me and listened. I felt her presence and I played this idea of lightness and green fulfilling light into her presence.
We didn’t speak and I could feel her get lighter and carefree rather than weighted.
I’m really happy that this sentiment comes across in my sharing.
She put a Bill in my arc.
A blue bill
Not the 2 previous billy’s I met.
I want to tell stories in the sound rather than have the sound take second to the lyric. I’m really happy that anytime I’ve played it. I’ve had the most wonderful conversations with passers by. It’s as though I want to somehow bring the forest to people. Get them into their own ether state.
Magical Occurrence 3. Dragon Flies.
Last Pedestrian Sunday. I was happy to get out there. I forced myself to be in service and to find that happy place sweet spot. Be prepared mentally and physically. Connecting to the creativity which is me. And not worrying.
The funniest thing happened and it really made my heart glow. A dragon fly had landed right in my spirit catcher which was hanging off my guitar. I was so overjoyed I couldn’t stop laughing and I started to forget my chord progressions.
And in these simple moments I’m astounded with how the universe chooses to respond. These little spiritual boosts really invigorate me.
Just a really special moment with gods creatures. The intelligence and lighthearted location. The dragon fly just sat there for a long time as if to say. Remember who you are?
And I said yes thanks for reminding me.
So there’s some thoughts, in my human latticework of cells.
My heart is still positive
But there’s a glimpse of my world in long format.