this website The Open C-on-CretE
(Photo By Michael Zender)
September 26, 2018 Vibrationoftheone
First post for the people who have been asking me. What are you thinking? What are you up to? A safe haven for my long-form literary side.
Good mid-afternoon. The week for me in my street corner to corner travels has been.
What is the state of being… overwhelmed?
And also what makes us so different?
I have been meditating on these two reflections.
Merging them into understanding.
And lastly who has the answers?
On a third level. As a musician, I am a storyteller of sounds.
I care about what all people have to say and I do my best to listen. Though I’ve been soul searching if I start to be reflecting off some political reflection more often or even critical of some community standard (whether it be online or not) is this to be kept separate? Or not met with at all? Dare I say pushed under the rug.
Where is the music coming from? Anger or celebration. Relaxation? It’s a simple urge mostly.
So I have to sit down a lot and gather myself. As I meet many walks of life that project all their knowings on to me. If I didn’t listen essentially I would be ignoring part of myself. Though in this Vibration Of The One. (Container “Thanks Lauren for this word”) Soul Mission. I am capable of transforming all parts of myself. Though I would really have to be open. I would really have to be internally ready. I work on this daily. Let the realizations flow. With no judgement within the first step of its void.
I have taken a break from social media for one month. I have taken a long break from Facebook for more than 10 years.
My reasons were to see more of my inner truths than the reflective algorithm truth. And lesser what’s been entrained then projected on to me.
To put it in a more compact way. I do experience the world through a synesthesiac type lens. It’s like crossing your senses and having more than one thought at a time. Or seeing the beginning ending and middle at the same time. And to merge it all together in the container of (normal) or (multidimensional) is my current evolved state.
I find my state of being funny. Shifting, Quagmired and overall dispersed and at times very much misunderstood. Though I’m able to connect and discuss in whatever language or style people are comfortable with. Sometimes it can be a bit much for people. With compassion for funneling myriad concepts the output becomes music and art. Best not taken one way but seen differently with every visitation.
I have been honouring my feelings. Keeping to the path of gentleness with my inner and outer awareness. What’s been coming to me a lot is that of a guiding force. In talking with musicians and friends new and in the past. They’ve been telling me if I ever wrote a book they’d buy it.
If you ever wrote a book you’d buy it.
You should be a writer.
What actually makes anything actually happen?
It’s invisible. Some may call it the softer voice and not the loud voice in our head. What’s also interesting. Is the elevated states of normalcy. With socials. The constant output. Not always being a grounded output. Though that too is a reflection. For all the grounded content out there.
I suppose my aversion to actually being a writer is would it just sound convoluted crazy and sporadic. Or is that the kind of book I’m supposed to be writing?
So I don’t really know why. But when I woke up today with all these thoughts and after visiting a store yesterday and having some very good acknowledgments.
The simple thing I could act on is. Start writing right now. And again here I am. In this way, I do feel free-er actually. (So often I reply to people in a book like a length) And I’m willing to laugh at myself for that.
That’s why again (Being Simple) I write songs. They are under 3 minutes mostly. And they help me organize my emotions.
I wrote this song quite recently
“One There Was”
I played it at night under a street lamp. In the middle of the night to passersby. I’ve never written a song the same day and gone out and played it in front of a bunch of strangers. I already got smiles and tips for it.
And that’s what’s really funny. Our mind connects with worry in thinking if anything is good enough really is an illusion. In writing and creating anything. If our souls were centred when we created it it’s always a beautiful honest soul creation. It was really liberating to put the pressures of long difficult songs down for once. And just let my simple side shine.
I locked myself in a room for a couple of days unintentionally drawn to this idea in my head to write a very simple song. A song I could sing and feel relaxed.
My currents states and my decisions to not be in the jarring onslaught of social media interactions for me is a necessity to get back to the natural state. And now here I am reporting from the gap. I have started a Patreon account. Yet have yet to really understand how much effort that entails. I started it in January yet it is slow moving.
I figured that since I do make content that I’d have a place for supporters to fund work on a monthly basis.
As I have worry and anxiety with the over reflecting side of myself.
For my meditators and friends. It’s a detoxification of computerization. We could sell that. Wrap it in a package. On how. Or you could just stop. And it would be free. (And you would find more layers in this free idea)
Over 5 years ago. It seemed that no one really cared. 5 years later I feel like people are wanting more from me. Am I here to satiate this that and the other. It’s all part of itself.
My e-mails are more full now with more questions and invitations to work on something. It honestly terrifies me as I don’t always have enough energy to reply to everything. Though the illusion being people remember you playing music and expending so much energy that they think you never like quiet? So in your quiet time, it has become louder.
Yet if I say I’m busy right now. That could be considered as a brush off. Or if I mention I’m answering 22 messages right now I’ll get back to you. There’s the anxiety. (Which isn’t the point of my music creating)
If I satisfy my own needs with no connection to the community. Is this disproportionate to what the gift of music is supposed to be at its roots. To be heard and to be shared.
I have since then included myself in community projects. Played different local stores and restaurants. And I’ve always had a great reflection. I’ve also had the reflection. Why do you not take this here? Do more with it. Take it further? Make more money.
My answer is that I am open to the abundance of these. Though creation does take time. Getting up every day has been more than an endurance.
I really thank all of you for your continued interest and support in what I really look at as art.
What is different and that has majorly shifted in the last half a decade is. I have a lot more people approaching me. Giving me compliments. Sometimes almost too many compliments. That’s funny to me.
Last week I had a lot of you inspire me reactions. I felt as though my dreams were coming to surface and fully being lived.
The attention and the rate of interaction even a local fame can be like.
On a basic level. I do feel happy that I am living my purpose. It took a lot to decide even that simple decision.
Today I’m going to live my purpose.
I do not really know what that will bring.
Today I am going to live my purpose.
In small ways and in big ways. And days in between to gather what I’ve found in the great dig.